errrrrrrica!

Where do I begin, hmm.
Life is not a box of chocolates. Forrest Gump lied to us. I'm not sure how much more I can tolerate of this family and living here. Famdrama is the worst right now. For the past few days, all my mother has done is scream, ridicule, belittle and abuse me (emotionally & physically). Even though, she tries to apologize for her behavior to me. I just cannot accept her apology because of the horrible words she spoke to me besides hitting me in my arm really hard the other morning. What she did to me was uncalled for. I mean, my mom is so bipolar and delusional. It's not even amusing anymore. I have fear that i will end up just like her someday, i hope to god i don't though. The reason for her behavior as of late is because I was supposed to wake her up before going to bed the other morning, well..her door knob would not open for me, so i just assumed she would wake her ownself up since her door was locked. What more can I do, right? Then, 30 minutes later. She opened my door to my room & woke me up, while screaming and hitting me. I tried to hit her back but she walked out of my room very quickly. Oh well. Yes, I may have a roof over my head, clothes to wear and food on the table but it doesn't make up for the way i'm treated around here. I will never have a normal life as long as i exist here. No freedom. No privacy either. I feel like damn demented child living here. Nobody treates me like an adult. My folks treat my sister better than me, why because she has a car, a job and intelligence. I have a learning disability. It's difficult for me to learn how to drive or get a job. My parents think I'm retarded because i'm a slow learner. Not to mention, I'm half deaf in one ear too.

People think, that I have it so simple. but i fucking don't though. I have no real friends aside from the internet, probably because i'm anti-social in real life. I usually keep to myself. I fear as though if i ever spoke, the wrong words would come out. I also have a hard time opening up to people in real life as well. Sure, i can do it on the internet but it's not the same though. I do hope things change for me soon because life is very hectic at home right now. Well, I don't have much else to write. So, I'm going to end it here. Bye All

Dear journal of mine,

Why are my friends so self centered for? After friday night, really proved a lot to me. I could of been killed in the tornado. We had a funnel cloud forming above the house. It become so dark, I thought it was going to touchdown and destroy this house and kill whomever in it’s path. I’m not going to lie here, I freaked out hardcore. My sister, dad and my mom all heard from people asking if they were okay but not me. Not one of my friends even bothered to call me or write to me on facebook asking, if i was okay or not. I have really great friends, pfft. I do what i can for them and nothing is really returned to me. That’s okay. The next time, any of them want my help with anything…I will simply tell them fucking no. I take that back, the only person that did seem to care on friday night was Andy. Although, he didn’t express it in the exact terms i’d hope but he still messenged me which told me he did care, i know he was messenging me to see if i was okay from tornados. I love him for that. So thank you.

Where do i began here, hmm. I have been feeling down, mainly because of my friends and family. I'm always there for others when they need me, but the one time i need one of them. They're never around for me. I'm about close on saying, eff you to them very soon. I'm tired of being taken advantage of and giving so much of my time them..and for what...i get nothing in return. One of my friends complains she can't find a decent man, well..do you know why you can't find a man..it's because you talk dirty and send naked pictures to men. Wtf do you think they are going to think of you. As long as you do that shit. You will never find a decent man. She asked me bluntly, do you think i' am slut, Erica. I said no to be nice but in the back of my mind, i was saying yes. What am I, a fucking journal for people. I do have my own issues too. I really don't want anything to do with her that much anymore because everytime i talk to her on the phone, it's always about her and her fucking problems on men. I' am just fed up with people right now. ..
Then, we have my family. I'm always getting screamed at and treated like shit constantly. I try to do what i can around here but i guess it's not enough. I feel like nobody cares about me. I want out of here. I really hope that Andy and I get back together soon. At least then, i could have somebody in my life who loves me and will listen to me as well. I don't have much to say but i will update again soon. Bye All.

1. Be in a relationship
2.Enslaved
3.Make Some Changes for myself.
4.Get back into my karaoke.
5. Try to have a drama free year, if possible.
6. Lose this depression Weight.
7.I'm going to try to be a better person this year.
8. Try having a positive attitude about things/situations and just make the best of it without having an negative tude about it, (If I can though).
9.Eat more healthy
10. Take more pictures of myself
11. Buy Better Photo Editing software, So i can make more graphics/edit pictures for others and myself.
12. Reconcile with certain individuals from the past. Some are worth giving a second chance too, while some are not.
13. Write in my journal often than i do now.
14. Update my website every now and then.

In no particular fashion, here are my predictions for 2011.
I will be in love
& in engaged as well.
I will be enslaved during Spring.
I will make amends with some old friends from the past, some are worth giving second chances too and some are not.
For my life to get better.
& to make more amazing new friends too.
Myspace will go back to the old days and nail this 3.0 in the coffin!

That's all I can think of for now.

I'm feeling quite depressed right now. I was hoping so much that I would hear from Andy today and ended up with nothing. Oh well, life goes on. I use to enjoy christmas a lot, when I was growing up but now since I am older, christmas has lost it's appeal to me. I just can't seem to find the excitement in this Holiday anymore. For the last five years, I have ended up in disappintment because I never receive what I truly ask for anyways. I'm not trying to be a scrooge here or anything, it's just really difficult for me to be content this time of year. I mean, most of family is dead anyhow. It's just not the same anymore. hmmm, I can't think of much else to say right now. My throat hurts. My vagina hurts too. Ugh..Well, I'm going to end it here for now. Until then, I hope everyone has a good christmas tomorrow. Bye All

I’m here to vent, nothing special.

So, i just recently moved from Ozark to Saint Louis a month ago. Eh, it’s nothing special but it will due for now I suppose. I’m so relieved that we were able to sell the house in ozark knowing how the house market it is right now. We just got our first snowfall the other day too. I’d say, we got around a few inches. I should know because I had shovel it the other day, lol.

Last week, My mother received some devastating news on my Aunt Lisa. She suffered a heart-attack and the doctors are speculating she won’t make it to christmas..& from the little information given to me, apparently my aunt lisa has been quite ill for a few years now. Sad news, i know.

Hmmm, what else..Oh, i went shopping a few weeks back as well. I purchased a 8GB Memory Card, WWE 2012 Calendar, Sephora Make-Up Bag, Purple Toothbrush, Black eye-liner and a Kodak easyshare purple camera along with a pair of jeans for about $13.00 from Sears too. I still want some wwe merchandise. I’m planning on it after christmas to purchase some. I also bought my mom a birthday present too. She was super content when she opened it. It totally made her birthday too. =)

Well, I don’t have much else to say right now. So, I’m going to end it here for now. Bye All.

Life could be better. That's all. Stay tuned for more rants coming soon.